10 Week Update

Hey Everyone!

It has been about 5 weeks or so since I updated. So I have A LOT to talk about in this post.

First things, we have had a few ultrasounds now, and the results are in with twins. But before anyone gets too excited, I have some other news that may not sit well with some. My IP has chosen to have a fetal reduction done. This is sometimes common in IVF for various reasons. Sometimes medical and sometimes more embryos transferred than they are willing to parent to "increase the odds"of at least one sticking. So, in other words, some parents will choose to do a medical reduction and some choose to do a selective reduction. In our case, we will be having a selective reduction done.

In the beginning of all of this, I thought that it was the norm to transfer two embryos, even if the IP only wanted one. So I agreed to transferring two and also agreed to reduce from two to one, unless one of the embryos split (making them identical). I was also very misinformed on how the procedure is done. I was told, when I asked in my interview, that it is something done VERY early on. The procedure was said to be painless and similar to how the transfer is done. So, that also helped me to agree with it. When becoming a surrogate, you want to give the parents any rights that they have to their baby. I went into it with that mind set and I really thought that I would not be in this situation I am in now, had I done my own research on fetal reduction and not just taken someones word for it. But I am not going to dwell on what I did not do. I want this post to educate anyone who wants to become a surrogate, or any potential IPs to REALLY think about what they want. If they only want one child, there is no need at all to transfer more than one. If they want twins, there is no reason to transfer more than two. The odds are not how many you put it, if one is going to take, it is going to take. If not then you try again. It is all part of the process of IVF.

The reduction will be done in November. I will be between 13 weeks. The reason that I have learned (after speaking to the doctor who will do the procedure) that this procedure is done between 11-13 weeks is because they will usually hope that one twin does not make it that far into the pregnancy. The procedure is done with a needle through the abdomen, and a saline solution is in the needle. The needle gets injected into the chosen baby's sac, and then the solution stops the heartbeat. I will update everyone on how the procedure goes and how I feel afterwards. Right now, to be honest I am very scared of the procedure. The needle they use is very small, smaller than what I have been using for my daily shot. But they can only numb you topically, there is no way to numb your uterus.

Some questions that most people have:

Can you (me) keep one?

Absolutely not. Neither of these babies are mine and it is not up to me to make any kind of decision regarding them. Like I said earlier, part of being a surrogate is leaving all parental rights to the parent. Now which of those you are comfortable with, are something that you need to decide and stick to it. No matter what an agency tells you about being "hard" to match. It may take a little longer, but there are IP that do not want to reduce at all costs.

Can they put it up for adoption?

Again, no. When you think about it, if you were in their situation, would you be able to give someone else your child? After all of the heartbreak and money that it has taken to finally have a child?

Why do they not want both?

My IP is single, already has one child. Not having a partner and raising twins is not something that is ideal to him. But I do not think that it would be ideal to anyone.

If anyone has any questions feel free to ask in the comment section or send me a private message.